Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

(this post made it blatantly clear that I am the one that takes ALL the pictures,
 no pictures of me any my girls!)
Mother’s Day… this day has been a weird one for me over the years. Of course when I was a kid it was about my mom, coupon books for random things like vacuuming or a hug, in fact I was the proud recipient of my own coupon book this year.


- 15 minite back rub

- a few crafts with Melia

- a pedker (pedicure)

- brefest in bed

- Starbuks

- Putting the twins to bed

- Make bed

- Make lunch and diner


Then I got married and I started to dream of being a mom myself. I thought it would be easy, we would just decide some day to start a family and it would happen. I was wrong. Ten years of infertility made Mother’s day one of the hardest days of the year. They used to have different sorts of mom’s stand at church, the oldest, the youngest, the one with the most kids and the list would go on. Some years I made it through, counting the lights in the ceiling or jotting down a quick list of things to do. Other years I ended up in one the bathroom stalls trying to hold my broken heart together with my arms wrapped tight around me as the tears streamed down my face. I thought this was the worst it could be, but then two babies came and went with out ever getting to hold them. Then it was Noah, the curly haired brown eyed wonder, who I just knew was sent to fill the aching hole in my heart, but God had a different plan he came in to our lives with a purpose… to save my husband’s life and left when his job was completed. On Mother’s day, I held him and cuddled with him, dreamed about his adoption becoming final and the next day… he was gone, stripped out of our lives and sent to live out the rest of his days with another mommy.

I remember those dreaded Sunday’s in May that hurt the most tender places of my heart. If that is where you are today, if you were here, I would curl up on the couch with you, hold you in my arms and sit with you while you cry. I wouldn’t say a word… just remember.

With all praise and glory and thankfulness to God in Heaven my Mother’s days have changed. I have two precious babies in Heaven, who I will meet some day, Noah, who will be 11 on July 31st (I got to be his in between mommy, the one between his birth mommy and his current mommy), and my 3 beautiful little girls, Melia, who is 8 & Sabrina and Ryanne, who are 6. God truly has given me beauty for ashes…

My mom is probably not going to see this, I don’t think she reads my blog, not too computer savy… but just in case, I love you mom, thanks for being the best mom a girl could ever have!!

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Beautiful post Cija!

3 Wishes Photography said...

4:37 AM!!! Oh my goodness, Heather... when do you sleep?? Thanks for you comment!

Anonymous said...

Oh, my, CIJA, what a beautiful woman you've become, inside and out. We left Denver so long ago I had no idea all that you've been through. God is so good to give us beauty for ashes. To say I'm happy for you and Rod would be a gross understatement. Glory be to God! Great things He has done!
Melody Whittemore : )

Aimee said...

"beauty from ashes"...love it