For Abby...

14 years, 2 months and 6 days ago, I sat in a doctor's office with my husband excited to have an ultrasound and our 2nd look at our baby.  Excitement turned to shock when the doctor told us that there was no longer a heart beat.  

Our baby was dead. 

Stunned could not describe what I felt in that moment, we had struggled with years of infertility, I thought the heartache was behind us but this pain pierced even deeper into my heart.  Eight months later I would find myself in those deep waters again, mourning our second child and wondering if I would ever be able to hold one of my children.  

The loss shook my world in ways I never expected, my husband lost his faith and trust in God and denied His very existence.  The next 8 months I felt utterly and completely alone.  

Then a ray of hope, a little boy named, Noah.  8 months old and orphaned, this had to be the reason but 5 weeks later my dreams laid dash among the rocks yet again.  Showing no thought or mercy for my pain, a dark cloud  descended over my husband, the chains of depression pulled against him pulling him face to face with death.  Seemingly, his only choice.  

I remember those days like they were yesterday, each emotion etched deep on the surface of my heart.

I look back and wonder how we survived.

Tonight another heart grieves for a child lost.  My sweet, precious friend, Abby has had to say goodbye to her baby.  A goodbye before there was even a chance for a proper hello. I wish I could take her in my arms and make her pain go away, but I know all to well that it never disappears completely.  This day will leave a crimson spot on the tapestry of her life, with time the tread will go thinner but it will always be there, her heart & mind will never forget.  But it is these threads that make the tapestries of our lives so beautiful in the glow of reflection. 

For we know that God works all things together for good for those who love the Lord.  I know Sam and Abby love the Lord and I know in the years to come they will have testimony of how God gave them beauty for these tender ashes. 

14 years, 2 months and 6 days later, I sit in my family room with husband of 21 years wishing our 3 wonderful girlies would be just a little be quieter so that we could hear one another speaking.

We not only survived we thrived.  

My husband's life was saved because of that little orphan and the following year our sweet Melia Hope was born, 3 months after that Rod found a renewed faith in Jesus Christ his Savior and 1 year after that Sabrina and Ryanne completed our family.  

And so we cling to the author and finisher of our faith, clinging to the knowledge that He never wastes our pain.  

We love you, Sam & Abby and our hearts truly break with yours.